You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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