Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
