You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
In America we eat man semen.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
