dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Randomize