Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize