i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
