She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
