Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
