it's too hot outside to masturbate.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize