He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Randomize
