He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
