Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
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