all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
My feet surprised me
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