in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
