Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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