Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
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