Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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