Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
