Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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