Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
