so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Text me some of your sweat
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