He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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