what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
