so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
