Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
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