I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
