So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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