I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
