And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
