if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
