I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
