On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
