Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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