Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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