Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
