carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
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