The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
