You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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