Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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