Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
