that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
