Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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