everyone is single if you try hard enough
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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