plz talk dirty to me
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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