dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
