the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
