we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Randomize
