Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
