it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
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