One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
