You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
