grandma shit on top of the toilet
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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