Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
