Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
soo... how was my night?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize