My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
