Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
