it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
