I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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