my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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