I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
