so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
