Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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