Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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