Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Randomize
