Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize